Hey Liam, answer your phone bro!

You are starting to hurt my feels.  All I want to do is to be your new best mate and it’s honestly beginning to feel like an unrequited love.  Don’t be a tease.  All I want to do is speak to ‘one of the kindest people anyone could hope to meet’.  We can discuss pet care and children for starters.  I have a vested interest in both and I know you do as well.  We already have those two things in common and I thought you looked really pretty with makeup on.

I know that you aren’t very well at the moment, but maybe if you get out and meet new people it will help lift your spirits.

It really hurt me that you moved and left no forwarding address.  I’ll assume that you meant to but just didn’t get around to it.  It’s cool though – I have it now.

I tried to ring to have a friendly chat with you today.  On your new number.  Just so you know.

I’m not bluffing, it ends in 683.  Your phone is turned off.  Please turn it on.





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