A mum of two and former Miss World runner up has complained of “mass persecution for no reasons at all”.
Vannah Le Coco De Frankish (29) said from her SECRET HIDE AWAY too secret to even publish; “Life is just not fair. My boys didn’t do no wrong. I cannot understand the level of hate and persecution both myself and my boys have had to tolerate.”
Detectives are currently working on a potential motive of “jealousy of her figure” as one reason for this SMEAR CAMPAIGN. She continued “I understand that in my line of work as a model you do get a lot of envy. What I just don’t understand is why my boys have been dragged into it”.
(Pictured. A body double represents an image of Vannah Le Coco De Frankish on holiday in Pontins..)
When asked if an apparent torture video created by her boys had anything to do with them she retorted; “Of course not. That video wasn’t even real. Operation Frankish and society just made it up on photo shop to make my boys look bad. We never had a bulldog“.
A CATALOGUE of persecutions include….
Being FORCED to make do with a Citroen over a Ford Focus
HAVING to take extra Government money since two are now deemed not fit for work.
Having their feelings VIOLENTLY ATTACKED with a photo.
(Owing to the new law of hurting someone’s feels by taking a photo we have represented the car with a mode of transport that we feel is more fitting to her history )
Le Coco De Frankish added; “It’s made me drop weight to dangerous levels as well. What with being a model I was never more than a nimble 30 stone. Since all of this I have lost a gram.”
On allegations that both sons were habitual drug users she bit back; “No they are not. It was Operation Frankish and circumstances that made them take drugs back then. They are both good boys who could have grown up to be astronauts were it not for this”.
(Pictured. What might have been? Its believed both boys were destined to be astronauts until Operation Frankish and ‘conditions’ got in the way)
Our reporter asked a number of well know faces what they reckon.
Jeremy Kyle’s Graham Stanier reckoned that “the change from a red car to a silver one can put any family under stress”.
Lovable celeb chef, Jamie Oliver reckons “The two geezers wot done it ain’t done it. Fish and chips”
Former PM Tony Blair reckoned it had “been a good week for him to bury bad news”